This is going to be a long year.
I love teaching. I love the students, I love my subject area, and I have pretty good schools (because I teach orchestra, I travel between 4 schools).
But despite all that, I'm finally ready to try something new. And now that I've made that decision, it makes going to work very difficult. I just want to write, and travel, and take pictures, and explore new options, and see the world, and spend time with my husband, and live with a different schedule for a while. Maybe for a long while, maybe for just a few months, I really don't know. I just know that getting up at 5 every morning in order to go stand under fluorescent lights and fight with administrators who don't think the arts are a beneficial part of the schoolday? That is no longer appealing.
I'm not going to throw in the towel. I will work as hard this year as I have in years past; I owe that to my students. But it's very hard in the meantime to try to do my job and at the same time start laying the groundwork for this next stage. I know people have done it--they're out there now, living that dream they worked so hard to achieve. I just don't know how they found the time to work a regular 8-10 hour day and then research and write and plan on top of it all. School has only been in session since August 8, and already I feel overwhelmed trying to find that balance between the present and the future. I guess if you want it badly enough, you find a way to make it happen.
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2 comments:
It's not easy! But you're right: if it's something you really want, you find a way to make it happen. One of the things that helped me was to start out with a huge list of everything I could think of that I would need to do to make our trip happen. I then prioritized and started tackling the most important things, a little at a time. Just work your way through the list, and realize that a lot of stuff that you put on it won't actually be as important as it seems now or won't have to be worked out to a really exact level of detail before you go. You'll probably spend most of your time working or planning, but give yourself a break every now and then so you don't get burnt out. You should find some joy in the planning. Good luck! And congrats for making the decision to go for it.
I have SO been in your place. Until one day, I found myself saying "We won't" in response to my boss's question, "How are we going to work together?"
Keep doing what you're doing: writing your blogs, making connections, building a portfolio. You're on the way.
And by the way, I'd forgotten the name of your blog and had to look it up on Matador. I thought it was Manatee Madness. Boy, was I wrong! (see:
http://www.manateemadness.blogspot.com)
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